When I announced it was teatime and asked my grandparents if they would like to join me. My grandmother demurred but my granddad had a question.
Him: Do you have crumpets?
Me (already amused): No, I don’t have any crumpets, Granddad. Anyway, do you even know what a crumpet is?
Him: No. But I know you're supposed to have them with tea.
When I walked into my grandmother’s bedroom and she gave me a strange look (not an uncommon occurrence these days since she has dementia).
Me: How are you feeling, Grandmother?
Her: You have hips.
When I asked my granddad if he had anything on his agenda for the day.
Him: Well, ya know Monday is my second Sunday. So...naw.
When my granddad asked me to make a piece of toast for my grandmother.
Me: How toasted would you like your bread, Grandmother?
Her: Do it until it's your skin color.
When I walked into my grandmother’s bedroom and she gave me a strange look. Again.
Her: You're short, Joi. Have you always been that short?
Me: Um, I guess so?
Her: And when did you grow that dimple on your face?
When I was cleaning under my grandparents’ bed and my granddad had a request.
Him: When you come across my peacemaker, be sure to leave it where you found it.
Me: Peacemaker? What’s that?
Him: You’ll know it when you see it.
And I did. It’s his handgun.
When my granddad questioned my vegan diet (for the umpteenth time).
Him: So you don’t eat anything with eyes, huh?
Me: I suppose that’s a good way to put it.
Him: Well, you eat potatoes don't you? Potatoes got eyes.
When my granddad called my name as I was about to leave for my morning run.
Me: Yes, Granddad?
Him: Don't be surprised if you look up and I'm running past you.
Yep. Like I said, the darnedest things.